Hypothyroidism, say what?

This project is still in progress, not as strict as before though. More free and easy and at my own pace. I guess I figured it out, time constraints give you unnecessary pressure. Not defeated by this though. My hiatus from the program brought about more weight gain and NO change of mindset. Well maybe a bit. As mentioned before, I'm still trying out the 30 day fitness challenge programs and currently doing the 30 day splits challenge.

I must say, it's rather tough. I managed a 2 minute split though today. Felt awesome. Earlier today, I paid a visit to a doctor in TTDI Shah Alam. She's a doctor doctor, a real doctor but she prescribes supplements instead of medicinal drugs. I had to undergo a rather embarrassing physical check up. In short, I had to strip. She checked everything (and I unfortunately, rather uncomfortable mean EVERYTHING).

Name and Location : 

Mediklinik Keluarga & Anda, 

16-18, Jalan Opera G U2/G, 

Taman TTDI JAYA, 

Shah Alam, Selangor, 40150

(Surprisingly posh place for a clinic name Mediklinik Keluarga & Anda)

Just by the physical check up, she said I show signs of hypothyroidism, and from birth in fact. I'm not sure why no one ever mentioned this to me before. But yes, I checked things out, did my research and it looks like she was spot on. She was really nice though, pleasant lady. She has that 'motherly you can talk to me and tell me everything' type personality and aura?

Below are the physical symptoms I have:

• Hyperflex fingers/body - I never noticed this, but my thumb can be bent to touch my wrists
• My dry hair
• The 'dark skin' on my finger joints (not sure what you call them)
• My dark elbows
• Flat feet and dry ankles
• The inward curving lower back - causing my butt to be more prominent
• My inward knees (I have no idea how to describe it, it's just that my knees really do curve in a little, normally, it's supposed to be straight)
• Super thick calves
• and several other physical symptoms I'm too embarrassed to mention (yes, she was incredibly thorough - I felt, well... awkward, but all in the name of health?)

Checked out Spark People as well, and as it turns out, what the doctor mentioned was right. This is what is written under the physical signs of hypothyroidism.

"Unexplained weight gain beyond a few pounds, increased fluid retention and/or puffy face"

(by the way, I do not own these images, found them randomly on google images) Based on this image, I would say I'm the third from the left? Yes, I've put on a lot all of a sudden (will explain why in another post - it's really stupid really... a rather 'duh uh' moment)

Apparently my cortisol levels are also low, my estrogen is in excess amount (I'm build for birthing?) and I'm not taking in enough water. Tomorrow I'll be going back for a extremely detailed blood test. The cost? OMG, basically I'm spending the bulk of my monthly earnings. Am fasting at the moment till I take the blood test. I'm not sure how I am going to get through the night, still not sleeping well and I feel hungry as hell!

Tempted to say "Screw this, I want pancakes!".

May the force be with me?

I'm a horrible 92 kg and 2-3 people from Surya Yoga have mentioned it to me (in a kind, concerned manner). I've been feeling horrible about it, I'm really supposed to get back and do more yoga classes but truth be told, I feel like hiding behind a huge cardboard screen (or maybe mahjong paper)! I've been trying to psyche myself up to go back for more yoga, but at the moment, I'm still rather embarrassed. 

Really silly! I feel that 'fat girl guilt', like all my insecurities and flaws are just out there for everyone to see, possibly how unstable I am. I honest to God need to change my mindset. I hope to go back to Surya Yoga very soon and just say (to myself), "So what? This doesn't define me!" But of course, easier said than done. Such stigma for overweight people - the worse is that we are deemed and labelled as lazy. That we don't care about our health and ourselves.

*Double, triple, quadruple SIGHS*

I would control+C, control+V a photo of me at my current size and mental state, but damn, it's pretty hard. Mostly for my pride (what's left of it).

-Elirus