5 Things I Wish I Knew At 23

Part of the Mindful Makeover is to read up on things that could change the way I perceive things. I made a list of stuff I wish I knew when I was 23 (just about to graduate from university). I think if I knew these 5 things, I'd be less discontented and more accepting of myself.

(1) Happiness isn't some state that we get to eventually. There is only now, it can be found now. Chasing after happiness (when it could be clearly be just in front of me) will make me lose my breathe, or worse, lose hope. 

Most of us were trained from young, especially in Asian countries that we need to work hard for our future, study study study. Get those grades and it will ensure you happiness and wealth in the long run. Zilch. It holds water for some people. 

For me, I just wish I was happy and was studying for ME. I think I got too caught up trying to impress my parents. At the end, I switched majors and took up something I really wanted to do *smiles* as most Asian families prefer, I was supposed to be a doctor not a business graduate!

Also, bad things happen to EVERYONE. Suffering is just part of life. But as many things, it will pass. We shouldn't get to caught up in happy moments as well, they come and go.

(2) Comparisons is definitely a deadly negative thinking sin. It's always, "I wish I was as _______ as ________". If we compare ourselves endlessly with a list of people (and the worse, celebrities) we will always feel horrible and feel bad about ourselves. Some can use this as motivation though, but I wish when I was 23, I knew that there is no point comparing. We were all dealt with different cards. So we play the game differently.

(3) Success isn't for just a small percentage of people. I wish I knew that success could be measured in many ways. For me, I thought it was money and status. The more money you have, the more status you had - the more successful you were. 

In truth - everyone is successful in their own way. Many don't realize this, I didn't realize this at all. I felt like a loser for the longest time not being in a corporate high heeled setting. I'm quite contented being in my stretchy pants, loose tops and slippers. My work environment is just very relaxed, free and easy and zen-ed out. In a certain light, I AM successful. I wish I knew this when I was 23.

(4) Competitiveness makes us greedy, hurtful people. We can hate someone without even knowing them. Success as I've read and found out, can be shared. Working towards a common goal together is waaayyy better. Competitiveness comes from making comparisons. Comparisons to me are fallacies. People are just different. No two are alike. If we were all the same (all with the same characteristics and achievements), we'd be robots!

I need to accept my flaws as just that, flaws. That I'm human. We are all equal. We are all flawed in our own ways. There is no need to compete. The playing field is different for everyone.

(6) Anger is a tricky feeling. Someone could be angry with you or at you, but you could choose how to respond. You could go the high way or pick a fight. To be honest, 'standing up for yourself' is just a ribbon wrapped version of 'reciprocating anger'. Personally I wish I knew this at 23. 

The best was is to let it slide off like teflon! (not my own quote unfortunately, found it online... catchy huh?). If I really wanted to stand up for myself, I'd let so and so cool off, then approach the matter when both of us are more level headed. Sometimes emotions can get in the way of common sense.

Let em' slide

Thank God for teflon!

research : 
http://zenhabits.net